I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize