I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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