You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
