Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
