Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
