She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
