i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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