A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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