just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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