Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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