I'm really into asian looking animals
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
