do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
