I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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