this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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