i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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