Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
