My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
