I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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