I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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