You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
