I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
