I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
