He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
