i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
