**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I need to calm my uterus...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
