You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
this is an emotional support booty call
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
