Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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