i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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