Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
