You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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