I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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