grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
