I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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