Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
