Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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