So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
