just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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