How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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