Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
