No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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