the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
