Don't you send me to vm
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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