Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
