Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
