I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
