i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
