He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
