Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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