You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
