I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
