my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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