you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
