Heybabeimwearingurpanties
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
