some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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