White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
