I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
