you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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