just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
