Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
