I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
